the last days of maternity leave

It's not long now until my maternity leave comes to an end. This year has been all about change, constant change, and now everything is about to change again.

I don't officially start back at work until 3rd June, but I have agreed (somewhat reluctantly) to work 2 days per week starting from 15th April. I will have 3 weeks off at the beginning of May to go on holiday to France (excited!), but other than that, from 15th April I'm back in work mode. 

I am in two minds about going back to work. I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt for leaving my baby boy. I have never been apart from him for more than a couple hours. I feel like he is my responsibility and putting him in someone else's care for 8 hours a day feels horrible. And I don't want to leave him. I really don't. But I also feel ready to take a break from thinking about poo and weaning and naps and teething for a few hours, to focus my mind on something technical, to converse with people about things other than baby milestones. I feel bad saying this, but it's how I feel. It doesn't make the transition back to work any easier though.

I wish we could afford for me to work only a couple hours each day rather than 4 full days per week. Leaving Nate for 8 hours every day seems too much, but financially we don't have another option. And I haven't even thought about how he is going to go a whole day at nursery without breastfeeding...I keep putting off tackling that issue. 

So these days are my last days of maternity leave. The last of it being just me and my baby boy at home, playing with toys, going to baby groups, exploring parks and libraries and soft play areas. I will miss these days. I know I will never get them back. 

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the beginning of the end

"Working Mom"

The end of my maternity leave is still months away but this week I been forced to think a lot about my return to work (boooo).

Before starting maternity leave I worked full-time, but I would like to go back 4 days a week, with one of my days working from home. This means I have to put in a flexible working application to formally request a change to my working pattern. I have a legal right to request this because I care for a child under the age of 17. And my employer has a legal obligation to consider my request, though they can reject it due to business reasons. 

It can take a while to go through the official steps of applying for flexible working and getting a new employment contract drawn up,  so I put my official written request in on Friday even though I don't want to return until June. 

On Monday I received a panicked email from my boss asking if I can work any days in April and May to help with a busy period. This stressed me out because I don't have any childcare arranged until June and I really want to ensure I can return on a part-time basis before agreeing to anything else. I asked if we can meet face to face to discuss this in detail and we met today.

It felt odd putting my work clothes back on (thank god my pre-pregnancy work trousers still fit!) and it felt even odder leaving Nate for 3 hours. This is the longest I have left him during the day. I didn't know how I would react, but you know what?..it was okay. Oh, I missed him like CRAZY and I kept texting my husband to send photos and I probably thought about him every minute, but...it was okay. And what's even better is I got every request in my flexible working application approved. 

I go back officially on 3rd June and will also do the odd day here and there in April and May to help out with the busy period. I am bummed about maternity leave coming to an end soon - it has gone so soooo fast! But now that I have my official return day, I am just going to have cherish every last minute of this special time I have with Nate.

nathan - 2 months old

Nathan turned two months old today and will be 9 weeks tomorrow. Where has the time gone!? The days are starting to fly now by as we settle into a routine and have started to fill our weeks with activities, groups and classes.

Nathan has changed so much in the last month. He weighed 9 lbs 10 oz two weeks ago, so he is probably well over 10 lbs now! He is really alert and can focus on things farther away than just in front of him. His hearing is getting more sensitive too; he is constantly looking to see where different sounds are coming from. He loves to give big cheesy smiles and I think he isn't too far from laughing because he does this cute silent laugh thing which is hilarious. Overall, as long as his tummy is full and he isn't tired, he is a really happy baby. Last week he started to take interest in his hands, staring at them and putting them in his mouth whenever possible. I keep thinking he will start sucking his thumb (which I am not against) but he hasn't figured out how to do that yet. 

Breastfeeding is going well and has gotten much easier in the past month. Nathan only nurses for about 15 minutes each time and then can go up to 3 hours in between feeds, which feels like forever compared to hourly feedings that he was doing not so long ago. We have introduced one bottle of formula at 10pm so that my husband can give it while I get some rest. This has really helped with the sleep deprivation and most days I don't feel too tired. Nathan's sleeping is also improving slowly and he often only wakes up once in the night now for a feed around 3am, but most nights  he wakes twice, which still isn't bad.

I visited work today for the first time with him and he did really well! I expressed some breastmilk which I brought with me to feed him in the office and he took the bottle perfectly then fell asleep in my colleagues arms, which was so adorable. I can't believe I am already a quarter of the way through my maternity leave! On Wednesday we booked his place at the nursery where my husband works and luckily they will allow us to be flexible with days as long as we give them 6 weeks notice. It seemed like a really good environment and it's great that father and son will only be around the corner from each other (I'm jealous!). 

My mom arrives this weekend to spend a full 2 weeks with us and her grandson. She is so excited and so are we. I'm sure he will get lots of cuddles from Grandma! 

Here are some of my favourite photos from the past month...

Bath time 

Silent laugh

Finding his hands

Family walkies time

Enjoying time with mommy

thirty-seven weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 259...21 days to go!

Baby is now 19.25 inches long and weighs about 6.3 pounds. 

So I am now officially full term! This means all of baby's organs are fully developed and prepared for his entrance into the world. It also means that the baby will not be considered premature, even if he is born today (hopefully that doesn't happen though, I'm not ready yet). But this is such a huge milestone and I can't believe I've made it this far!

I can tell that baby is getting ready to make his arrival. My bump seems to have dropped and I keep getting sharp stabbing pains in my pelvis area. During the week there were a few moments when I was standing or walking and felt a pain so sharp down below that I had to sit on the floor or bend over to get it to stop. Luckily the pain goes away as soon as it starts but it's pretty terrifying. 

Today is my first working day on maternity leave and it's strange. I have been trying to keep occupied by tidying and organising the house and things are coming together slowly. The nursery is nearly complete, but not quite yet. I promised my sister (Hi D!) that I would do a nursery post with the final photos; I haven't forgotten! I just want to wait until it's completed, probably next week once we go to IKEA. 

On Thursday we are leaving to go to Cornwall for my brother-in-law's wedding. I'm looking forward to having a break away from home but am nervous about how I will be feeling. I get annoyed when I can't walk for very long without getting pelvic pain so think I will find it frustrating to not be able to explore Cornwall as much as I want to. 

I think that's all to report at the moment. I might not be able to post again for over a week as once we are away at the wedding I doubt we will have internet. Fingers crossed baby will stay put until we are back home on the 26th June! 

Last day at work

So today was my last day at work. I have just gotten home after what turned out to be a chaotic day and I can't quite believe it's all over.  

I was completely terrified about my last day for some reason. There was a part of me that was sad to leave work behind and a part of me that couldn't wait to walk out and forget about work for a year. But I think most of all I was scared because I knew things would change once I started maternity leave. Even though my job is secure until I return next year, it won't be the same when I go back. I will have a child to think about and I will have to juggle my career and my family. It's all very daunting. 

Despite my worries, the day was wonderful. I arrived in the morning (armed with a mountain of cakes for everyone which went down well) and my desk was covered in decorations and some little gifts from people.

At 2pm, my boss gathered everyone from the office to present me with a huge card, a load of gifts and a massive flower arrangement! I was shocked and close to tears as I opened the presents in front of the entire department of about 40 people. I got baby clothes, stuffed animals, baby cutlery & plates, a piggy bank, and a charm bracelet. I felt a little embarrassed opening presents in front of a big group of people. It felt like I was 10 years-old opening birthday gifts in front of my school friends, but it was over quickly and everyone was really nice. I was truly touched with the effort everyone went to for me.

At the end of the day, I kept feeling like I had things to do or that I was forgetting something vital, but my boss made sure I left on time and ushered me out the door with a big wave. I promised to visit the office with the baby at some point once I have figured out the whole motherhood thing. 

So now the only thing left to do is to wait until the baby comes...scary!

maternity leave inequality

A few weeks ago, at my 24-week midwife appointment, I got my MAT B1 form signed off by the doctor. This little piece of paper was simple; it only had one essential tidbit of information on it - my due date. But this little piece of paper was worth so much. It was proof of my pregnancy and allowed me to book 52 weeks off work starting anytime I want after I turn 29 weeks pregnant until my due date. 

When I got hold of this powerful little piece of paper and sent it off to HR it made me think about how lucky I am. 

I am lucky to be having a baby in the UK where I am granted 52 weeks of leave. These 52 weeks are not all paid for, in fact the majority of my leave is on low pay or no pay, but my job is protected for the full year I take off work. 

I am also lucky to be able to go back to work after this leave and then have a legal right to request flexible working hours. Because I will be a parent with a young child, my employer must consider my request and may only refuse it if there is a clear business case for doing so. This means that not only is my job protected for a full year during maternity leave, but I can return to work on a part-time basis if I want to (unless my employer can prove my working part-time would be detrimental to the business).

Things are different for my friends and family in the United States.  

Out of the 21 richest countries in the world, of which the US is one of the richest, only the US and Australia offer no paid maternity leave.  Australia does, however, offer a "baby bonus" equal to about US$5,600 (£3,525) per child which helps cover the costs of maternity leave...the US doesn't offer anything.  

Looking at job-protected leave, regardless of whether or not it is paid, the US again ranks badly (20th out of 21 countries). The US offers 24 weeks of combined protected job leave for a two-parent family (12 weeks per parent); Switzerland provides only 14 weeks of leave, but the 14 weeks are paid at 80% pay. The 12 weeks per parent offered in the US is completely unpaid.

Graph taken from "Parental Leave Policies in 21 Countries"
Center for Economic and Policy Research

I should also mention that the 12 weeks unpaid leave per parent in the US is only available if you qualify for what's called FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act). Around 60% of US workers are eligible for FMLA, meaning 40% of workers get no guaranteed leave whatsoever!

What's more, when mothers go back to work after their stingy 12 weeks, there is no law in the United States that allows them the right to request part-time or flexible working. 

I find it shocking that the United States, a country so rich and powerful, doesn't prioritise the health and well-being of its mothers and babies. For example, the World Health Organisation recommends that mothers exclusively breastfeed for 6 months to reduce infant mortality and improve maternal health. If women aren't even given 6 months off work, isn't the US government indirectly discouraging breastfeeding and thus worsening the health of its population? I'm not saying that breastfeeding is always the right choice, but the government is taking away the mother's option to easily breastfeed by forcing her back to work prematurely. 

So yes, I feel so extremely lucky to be having my baby in the UK. But it saddens me that things are so unequal between here and the US and that my friends and family don't get the maternity leave and flexible working options they deserve.


Sources:
http://www.cepr.net/documents/publications/parental_2008_09.pdf
http://www.leavenetwork.org/fileadmin/Leavenetwork/Annual_reviews/Complete_review_2011.pdf
http://www.acas.org.uk/CHttpHandler.ashx?id=1076
http://www.familyassist.gov.au/payments/family-assistance-payments/baby-bonus/
http://www.who.int/nutrition/topics/exclusive_breastfeeding/en/