on sleep training

Now that Nathan is well over six months old, the question of sleep training seems to be the hot topic at my baby groups.

Sleep deprived mums clutching strong cups of coffee and wriggly babies ask the other mums in the room for advice. They want sleep, lots of sleep, but they don't want to leave their child crying alone in a dark room either. They are lost.

I feel lost too. I am usually the mum in the corner of the the room listening, taking in the advice being dished out, but not getting involved. That's because I never really believed in sleep training. I have never forced Nathan to cry himself to sleep, never denied him a night feed, never done any training. (Well, actually, one night we tried the pick-up, put-down technique but we got to pick-up number 65 (!) and quit).

But you see...I was eavesdropping as usual last week at my Tuesday group and got all confused. A Health Visitor had joined the group and she said the official stance is that babies over 6 months old should "all be capable of sleeping through the night". And if they don't the parents should "do controlled crying to get them to sleep through".

So then I started to feel guilty (you know, the usual mom guilt thing). Was I denying my child sleep because I didn't want to sleep train? Was a few hours of crying actually for his own good even though it went against everything I believed in?

I went home and had a cup of tea and mulled the whole thing over. I was still confused, but I was also angry. Angry that no matter what choice I make I will feel guilty. If I don't sleep train, the Health Visitors will make me feel guilty that my child isn't sleeping through the night; if I do sleep train I will feel guilty for letting my baby cry. 

Nathan has never slept through the night, but I just don't think I am ready to let him cry himself to sleep. I may never be ready. [By the way, I don't have anything against people that do sleep train. I know they do it for the right reasons, but it is just not for me...at least not right now.] 

In my confused state, I started reading different articles online, and I found comfort in this statement from the Kellymom website...

Remember that night waking in babies and young children is normal and temporary! 

Children grow out of night waking, even when we do nothing to discourage it. This period of time will be a very tiny part of your child’s years with you.

So I am going to just ignore the Health Visitors for now and continue to remind myself that this is all temporary. 

Good-bye 2012

Today is New Year's Eve; the end of a busy, exciting, chaotic and amazing 2012. I started the year pregnant (in fact I was still keeping my pregnancy a secret when 2012 began) and ended the year with a 5 month old gorgeous boy who keeps me on my toes every day. 

I haven't blogged in a few months (oops!) and lots has happened.  We went to Florida for 3 weeks in November and celebrated Thanksgiving with the American family. They all loved Nate and spoiled him; it was sad to leave at the end of the trip. Nate did amazingly well on the flight and liked his sky cot. I am still breastfeeding and this really made the flight fairly simple. I can't imagine having to do a 9 hour flight with bottles and formula. 

On the flight

We then celebrated Christmas with the British family back here in the UK and it was such a lovely day. Nathan enjoyed watching everyone open presents and he was all smiles as we crinkled the wrapping paper in front of him. He even chewed and swallowed his first solid food, a boiled carrot, on Christmas day!

Nathan is growing up and developing so quickly. It's amazing to see how much he changes each week. He is currently sitting up on his own for a few minutes at a time before toppling over sideways or backwards. He giggles a lot now - mostly when we blow raspberries on his tummy or when we do silly dance moves in front of him. But he laughs at random things too; he let out a huge chuckle when Bailey was scratching his ears a couple days ago - he is so easily pleased.

We plan on starting him on a proper weaning plan onto solid foods in a couple weeks, but in the meantime have been letting him lick on pieces of food, like the carrot on Christmas day. This morning I let him lick on a piece of banana and the face he made was one of shock and horror followed by a smile and finally a large shriek of laughter. I think he will enjoy his food once we get started. And perhaps being on solid food will help him sleep better, but I'm not counting on it. Last night he was up every 2 hours. The night before he slept 6 hours in a row. There is no consistency in his sleeping which in some ways makes it harder because I am always on edge, never sure when he will wake. 

This evening I hope he lets hubby and I enjoy a glass of bubbly and some cheesy New Year's Eve TV before waking up.

Happy New Years everyone and here's to a fun toddler-packed 2013! 

nathan - 3 months old

Little Nathan is now 3 months old. I have read many books which claim that after the first 3 months, life with a new baby gets significantly easier and I think for the most part the books are right. We still have moments of inconsolable crying (mostly from tiredness) and a night or two a week where he won't settle but for the most part he is easy going, growing and full of smiles. 

Last week Nathan giggled for the first time and it was magical! He now seems to giggle at the most random times. He let out a huge boyish chuckle today at me when I was washing the dishes and the other day when my husband was rubbing his legs. It's so cute but we can never tell what will make him laugh so it's always surprising when he does. 

He also rolled over from his tummy to his back for the first time this month. It was completely by accident and he hasn't done it again since, but his neck strength is really strong so I'm sure he will do it again soon. Part of me doesn't want him to start rolling because then I will have to be super vigilant when putting him on the bed or on the changing table. 

Nathan weighs around 12 pounds at the moment (last weigh-in was on 9th October and he was 11 pounds 11 ounces). I read somewhere that once babies weigh 12 pounds they should be capable of sleeping through the night but we have had no such luck. Nathan goes to bed at 7pm. We then wake him up for a feed before we go to sleep around 10pm. He then wakes up around 4am for a feed and then is up for the day anytime between 6am and 8am. I'm hoping he drops the 4am feed sometime soon.

I am still meeting up with my NCT group once a week on Wednesdays. It's great being able to see all the babies growing up together and to compare how they are progressing. I also attend baby yoga (Lazy Daisy Baby) on Thursdays and am thinking about joining a Mom and Baby group on Tuesdays. And from January we will go to baby sign language class on Fridays. I never knew I would be so busy during maternity leave!

We leave for Florida in 3 weeks and will be spending Thanksgiving there. I'm am looking forward to finally introducing Nathan to the American family. 

nathan - 2 months old

Nathan turned two months old today and will be 9 weeks tomorrow. Where has the time gone!? The days are starting to fly now by as we settle into a routine and have started to fill our weeks with activities, groups and classes.

Nathan has changed so much in the last month. He weighed 9 lbs 10 oz two weeks ago, so he is probably well over 10 lbs now! He is really alert and can focus on things farther away than just in front of him. His hearing is getting more sensitive too; he is constantly looking to see where different sounds are coming from. He loves to give big cheesy smiles and I think he isn't too far from laughing because he does this cute silent laugh thing which is hilarious. Overall, as long as his tummy is full and he isn't tired, he is a really happy baby. Last week he started to take interest in his hands, staring at them and putting them in his mouth whenever possible. I keep thinking he will start sucking his thumb (which I am not against) but he hasn't figured out how to do that yet. 

Breastfeeding is going well and has gotten much easier in the past month. Nathan only nurses for about 15 minutes each time and then can go up to 3 hours in between feeds, which feels like forever compared to hourly feedings that he was doing not so long ago. We have introduced one bottle of formula at 10pm so that my husband can give it while I get some rest. This has really helped with the sleep deprivation and most days I don't feel too tired. Nathan's sleeping is also improving slowly and he often only wakes up once in the night now for a feed around 3am, but most nights  he wakes twice, which still isn't bad.

I visited work today for the first time with him and he did really well! I expressed some breastmilk which I brought with me to feed him in the office and he took the bottle perfectly then fell asleep in my colleagues arms, which was so adorable. I can't believe I am already a quarter of the way through my maternity leave! On Wednesday we booked his place at the nursery where my husband works and luckily they will allow us to be flexible with days as long as we give them 6 weeks notice. It seemed like a really good environment and it's great that father and son will only be around the corner from each other (I'm jealous!). 

My mom arrives this weekend to spend a full 2 weeks with us and her grandson. She is so excited and so are we. I'm sure he will get lots of cuddles from Grandma! 

Here are some of my favourite photos from the past month...

Bath time 

Silent laugh

Finding his hands

Family walkies time

Enjoying time with mommy

nathan - 4 weeks

Today Nathan turned 4 weeks and wow have the last 4 weeks been insane. I'm not going to lie and say it has been easy because it hasn't. I have had to get used to less sleep, less independence, and raging hormones. In addition I have been recovering from a horrible delivery so it has been a rough ride. I think I have cried everyday so far at least once, but each day seems to get slightly better and when Nathan smiled for the first time a couple days ago it all of a sudden made all the stress and craziness seem worthwhile.

Nathan weighed 8 lbs 1 oz on Wednesday so he is gaining weight well. Considering I am exclusively breastfeeding this is very reassuring. The breastfeeding is difficult mainly because I am the only person who can do a feed so can't get any assistance from my husband. There have been moments where I wanted to throw in the towel and start formula, but something inside me has forced me to persist with the breastfeeding. Hopefully it will get easier as Nathan's tummy gets bigger. Currently Nathan is sleeping at most about 2.5 or 3 hour stretches throughout the night. This means I am up at least 3 times during the night and it's exhausting! I am going to set myself a goal of breastfeeding for 6 weeks and then see how we are going. 

I have still been meeting up with my antenatal group and it has been great to be able to vent and speak about any issues we are having informally. All the new mum's seem to be struggling with one thing or another, and it's really comforting to know I'm not alone in trying to figure out this motherhood thing. 

Last day at work

So today was my last day at work. I have just gotten home after what turned out to be a chaotic day and I can't quite believe it's all over.  

I was completely terrified about my last day for some reason. There was a part of me that was sad to leave work behind and a part of me that couldn't wait to walk out and forget about work for a year. But I think most of all I was scared because I knew things would change once I started maternity leave. Even though my job is secure until I return next year, it won't be the same when I go back. I will have a child to think about and I will have to juggle my career and my family. It's all very daunting. 

Despite my worries, the day was wonderful. I arrived in the morning (armed with a mountain of cakes for everyone which went down well) and my desk was covered in decorations and some little gifts from people.

At 2pm, my boss gathered everyone from the office to present me with a huge card, a load of gifts and a massive flower arrangement! I was shocked and close to tears as I opened the presents in front of the entire department of about 40 people. I got baby clothes, stuffed animals, baby cutlery & plates, a piggy bank, and a charm bracelet. I felt a little embarrassed opening presents in front of a big group of people. It felt like I was 10 years-old opening birthday gifts in front of my school friends, but it was over quickly and everyone was really nice. I was truly touched with the effort everyone went to for me.

At the end of the day, I kept feeling like I had things to do or that I was forgetting something vital, but my boss made sure I left on time and ushered me out the door with a big wave. I promised to visit the office with the baby at some point once I have figured out the whole motherhood thing. 

So now the only thing left to do is to wait until the baby comes...scary!

thirty-five weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 245...35 days to go!

Baby is now 18 inches long and weighs about 5.25 pounds. 

Another week has flown by and I have spent most of it in bed trying to get rid of my nasty cold. Luckily today and tomorrow are bank holidays here so by the time I go back to work on Wednesday I should be more or less back to full health. I can't believe how much I have missed my usual cold medicine!

There isn't a whole lot to write about regarding medical appointments this week because I already posted about my Ultrasound last Monday and my 34-week midwife appointment here. Have a look at that post if you want to know how those appointments went.  

Over the weekend we went to Mamas & Papas to pick up our full-size crib. My husband's parents bought this for the baby, so a big thank you to them for this lovely item! We also bought a couple cute canvases that were on sale to go on the walls.  Mr M assembled the crib while I packed my hospital bags and after only an hour or two our nursery started to come together! 

There is still a lot more work to do on it though. We need to get the chair from IKEA, a bookshelf, and to sort out some toy storage, but it looks much more like a nursery than it did a few days ago!

This weekend my husband and I also watched an interesting documentary called The Business of Being Born. It's an American documentary which looks at the current state of childbirth in the United States, particularly the medicalisation of normal birth. I highly recommend it to anyone in the USA who is pregnant or is planning a family in the near future. 

special delivery: the essential one

Drawstring bag

After a couple long, hard days at work it was such a pleasure to get home Wednesday evening and find that a parcel had arrived through the door from The Essential One, a fabulous company that specialises in all the essential clothing you need in baby's first year.  They sent me a bundle of products to add to my hospital bag; I have only just been getting my bag ready, so this was impeccable timing!

The first thing I noticed when I opened the parcel was how lovely the packaging was. The clothes all came inside a bespoke cotton drawstring bag which was simply wrapped in tissue paper. I like how they used minimal packaging. The drawstring bag can be used over again and the tissue paper is recyclable, so I didn't feel like there was any wasteful packaging. The bag itself is also so cute! I will definitely be using it in the future to carry spare clothes in the changing bag. 

Vests

The products in the bag were all super adorable too and what came across immediately was the quality. It's hard to portray in images how nice the fabric is, but trust me on this: it's amazingly soft and very high quality. The clothes are all 100% fully combed, soft handle cotton and it shows. 

Baby grows

In the bag came 2 vests, 2 baby grows, a baby hat and a pair of scratch mittens. All of these are going straight in the hospital bag and I expect I will use them all within the first few days that baby is here. The colours of the items sent to me are very neutral but The Essential One also have boy and girl colours. I do like the neutrals though, and the yellows and beiges are really nice (again - hard to portray this in the photos).  

I was so pleased with the quality of these clothes compared to others I have bought in the high street shops. After looking through the brochure I was also impressed with how reasonable their prices are too - so impressed, in fact, that I went straight online and put through an order for some of their adorable baby blankets! 

thirty-one weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 217...63 days to go!

Baby is now 16.25 inches long and weighs about 3.3 pounds. 

It's been a very busy and productive week both inside my uterus and out. Baby is growing rapidly; he has put on over 1/2 pound this past week and will continue to grow at this rate until he arrives! I expect my bump will start to get huge soon, even though it's already rather large.

His movements are now very strong and every once in a while a forceful kick under the ribs really hurts! Luckily it's only once in a while and  and the pain is bearable. 

Work this week was hectic again, but I feel like I am starting to get to a point where all the hard work and long hours are paying off.  My replacement starts on Tuesday and I have a full 6 week training period with her, which is nice because I feel like there is a lot to hand over. During the next 6 weeks, my boss decided that he would temporarily move into another office (the 2 of us usually share a room), I would take his desk and my replacement would set herself up at my old desk/her new desk. I feel very posh and important sitting at his desk. It's such a change from my old shabby desk tucked into the corner that I find it really odd. 

I am attending a family wedding this summer when I will 38 weeks pregnant and have been putting off buying a dress.  A few days ago I finally decided to order this dress from Seraphine. I thought it might be too casual but as it's a day-time wedding and is taking place outside I'm hoping I can get away with it. The dress fits well but is too long on me, so I am going to try and take up the hem an inch or two.  

This weekend we picked up our pushchair from Mamas and Papas, but it is still sitting in it's huge box in the garage for now. It will probably stay there until I'm off work at the end of June and have the time and motivation to put it together.

We also made great progress on getting all the hospital bag stuff purchased. I think we pretty much have everything now except for a nice baby blanket. I can't decide if I should buy an expensive hand-made crochet blanket (like this) or a cheaper knit one from the local baby shop (like this). Decisions, decisions... 

the hospital bag list

Things have been extremely hectic at work and I haven't had much time to think about anything other than numbers and complicated spreadsheets, so it was a nice distraction to go back to the second NCT class last night. We mostly discussed packing the all-important hospital bags. 

I found out last night that the average first-time mum is in labour for 24 hours and then stays in the hospital for 48 hours after delivery! Yikes, so I could be in the hospital for up to 3 days? I had no idea it could be for that long. I guess the hospital bag issue is more important than I first thought. 

Our instructor suggested we pack two bags over the next couple of weeks: one bag will be used during the delivery in the labour ward; and one will be used in the post-natal ward with baby. The theory is that once I've had the baby and move to the post-natal ward, Mr M can take the labour bag home to lighten the load a bit. 

So here is the list (sorry it's illegible, but you get the idea). I'm hoping that over the upcoming long-weekend I can buy some things and start crossing items off the list. Let the packing begin!

real nappies: taking the plunge

my nappy stash

Last week (16th - 22nd April) was Real Nappy Week (or Real Diaper Week in the US), a week to celebrate and encourage the use of cloth nappies. I have been hesitantly wanting to use cloth nappies when baby arrives and had bought a few here and there when they were on sale just to see what they were like. But the idea of buying a full stash and committing to cloth 100% was a bit scary for me and definitely a big financial commitment. 

They say you need between 15-25 nappies for a full stash depending on how often you intend to wash, and I had about 8, so the decision needed to be made as to whether or not I would go for it and top up my stash to the required minimum.

Of the nappies I had purchased already, I had decided that my favourite one was the new Bum Genius Freetime. But they are really expensive at £15.99 per nappy so I was putting off buying more - I just couldn't justify it at that price. Then Real Nappy Week came along and they were on offer at over 20% off , so I went for it and bought 10 nappies at £12.10 each!

That might still sound really expensive to you if you are used to buying disposable nappies at around £0.15 each, but each nappy I bought is a one-size nappy which means it adjusts to fit a child from 8 lbs to potty training and should in theory last indefinitely if I take care of them correctly (meaning I can re-use them if I have another baby in the future). Financially, cloth nappies just make sense, check out this cost comparison. 

So I've done it, I've committed now and can't really go back. I am scared about the extra work that using cloth entails, but figure if I start with cloth I won't know any different. And I'm sure it can't be that bad - my sisters and I were all brought up in cloth;  if my parents can do it, so can I.