working mum

Oh my goodness, I am exhausted! I have just finished my first week at work. It was only a short 2-day week and I can't believe how tired I feel. 

Typically, after many nights of decent sleeping, Nate had a bad night on Sunday before my first day back, and then an even worse night last night waking at 2.45am for a feed then at 5am...and not going back to sleep!  Maybe he senses that things are different and therefore is waking more? I'm not sure. 

And work itself was intense. They are short staffed (my boss quit a few months ago) and it's our busy period, so as soon as I arrived I was thrown a bunch of difficult tasks. I wasn't even given any time to sift through the hundreds of emails in my inbox. I was sleep deprived, so my mind was all fuzzy and confused and stressed.  I think I stared at my computer screen for 20 minutes at one point trying to figure out a spreadsheet that was actually set up by me last year...I couldn't remember anything, it was so bad! 

Luckily while I was scratching my head and drinking lots and lots of tea (and maybe the odd bar of chocolate), Nate was having a great time with his daddy. They did all sorts of outdoor activities and went to the store and the park. I was glad he was having fun, but I missed him.

When I got home, he seemed happy to see me, but it's hard to know if he really even noticed I was gone. We had a kiss and a hug, and then he went right back to playing with his toys. Although I was hoping he would have noticed me a little more, the fact that he was content without me all day gives me confidence that he will be okay at nursery when he eventually goes.

I have the rest of the week to spend with Nate now and we are going to have some quality mother-son bonding time before I go back for 2 more days next week. 

the beginning of the end

"Working Mom"

The end of my maternity leave is still months away but this week I been forced to think a lot about my return to work (boooo).

Before starting maternity leave I worked full-time, but I would like to go back 4 days a week, with one of my days working from home. This means I have to put in a flexible working application to formally request a change to my working pattern. I have a legal right to request this because I care for a child under the age of 17. And my employer has a legal obligation to consider my request, though they can reject it due to business reasons. 

It can take a while to go through the official steps of applying for flexible working and getting a new employment contract drawn up,  so I put my official written request in on Friday even though I don't want to return until June. 

On Monday I received a panicked email from my boss asking if I can work any days in April and May to help with a busy period. This stressed me out because I don't have any childcare arranged until June and I really want to ensure I can return on a part-time basis before agreeing to anything else. I asked if we can meet face to face to discuss this in detail and we met today.

It felt odd putting my work clothes back on (thank god my pre-pregnancy work trousers still fit!) and it felt even odder leaving Nate for 3 hours. This is the longest I have left him during the day. I didn't know how I would react, but you know what?..it was okay. Oh, I missed him like CRAZY and I kept texting my husband to send photos and I probably thought about him every minute, but...it was okay. And what's even better is I got every request in my flexible working application approved. 

I go back officially on 3rd June and will also do the odd day here and there in April and May to help out with the busy period. I am bummed about maternity leave coming to an end soon - it has gone so soooo fast! But now that I have my official return day, I am just going to have cherish every last minute of this special time I have with Nate.

Last day at work

So today was my last day at work. I have just gotten home after what turned out to be a chaotic day and I can't quite believe it's all over.  

I was completely terrified about my last day for some reason. There was a part of me that was sad to leave work behind and a part of me that couldn't wait to walk out and forget about work for a year. But I think most of all I was scared because I knew things would change once I started maternity leave. Even though my job is secure until I return next year, it won't be the same when I go back. I will have a child to think about and I will have to juggle my career and my family. It's all very daunting. 

Despite my worries, the day was wonderful. I arrived in the morning (armed with a mountain of cakes for everyone which went down well) and my desk was covered in decorations and some little gifts from people.

At 2pm, my boss gathered everyone from the office to present me with a huge card, a load of gifts and a massive flower arrangement! I was shocked and close to tears as I opened the presents in front of the entire department of about 40 people. I got baby clothes, stuffed animals, baby cutlery & plates, a piggy bank, and a charm bracelet. I felt a little embarrassed opening presents in front of a big group of people. It felt like I was 10 years-old opening birthday gifts in front of my school friends, but it was over quickly and everyone was really nice. I was truly touched with the effort everyone went to for me.

At the end of the day, I kept feeling like I had things to do or that I was forgetting something vital, but my boss made sure I left on time and ushered me out the door with a big wave. I promised to visit the office with the baby at some point once I have figured out the whole motherhood thing. 

So now the only thing left to do is to wait until the baby comes...scary!

thirty-six weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 252...28 days to go!

Baby is now 18.75 inches long and weighs about 5.75 pounds. 

Oh my gosh - look how huge I am! I can really feel every little movement from baby now that he is so big (nearly 6 pounds - gulp!) and wow does he like to kick and nudge me in my sides.  At least he seems content in there. 


There is not much new to report this week: I had no medical appointments and my work-week was super short thanks to the Jubilee bank holiday. I must admit my feelings about work ending this Friday keep changing. One minute I'm so excited to be finishing, and the next minute I'm completely terrified! Someone at work today bought me some adorable little newborn bodysuits and it made me feel really bittersweet about leaving everyone for a year...I mean a whole year....that's a LONG time. I'm sure I will get used to it though.


In terms of how I'm feeling generally, I have actually been feeling pretty good, surprisingly. I have moments where I get stuck on the sofa and Mr M has to literally hoist me out of my seat. And I have moments where I'm emotional and close to tears for no apparent reason. But I can't really complain because overall I am functioning well and have no serious medical issues. Every once in a while I get a sharp pain down below and I freak out a little about my impending labour, but then the pain goes away and I forget about it. 


I am taking tomorrow as holiday as I have my 36-week midwife appointment and an NCT meet-up. Hopefully the appointment will go well. And I am looking forward to seeing the ladies from my NCT class again and am hopeful that we can continue to meet up regularly once our babies arrive. 

thirty-three weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 231...49 days to go!

Baby is now 17 inches long and weighs about 4.25 pounds. 

Can you believe that the baby now weighs over 4 pounds? That's a lot! And over the next 4 weeks he will put on 2 more pounds, so my bump is literally going to grow by the day. I have already gained 27.6 pounds so far this pregnancy, so it's likely I will gain at least 35 pounds overall...I'm not happy about gaining so much, but there isn't much I can do about it now. I suppose it will just mean working harder after baby is here to lose it all.  

I am feeling very large now and sleep is getting more difficult, partly because I'm waking up through the night to go to the bathroom and partly because I'm uncomfortable lying in one position so have been tossing and turning throughout the night. This has of course made me more tired during the day and therefore much more irritable at work. 

On top of general stress and insanity at work, this past week was super busy in the evenings too. Monday evening I had a committee meeting for a charity I volunteer for; Tuesday evening I had a breastfeeding class; and Wednesday evening I had my last NCT antenatal class. At the end of the class the instructor stated "Okay ladies, the next step is to go and have your babies!" I suddenly felt very unprepared!

The nursery progress is going well. My father-in-law has just finished painting and putting in some new power points and we have cleared the room ready for the cot to be assembled. The only problem is that our cot and crib are currently on back order at Mamas & Papas. I'm hoping they get delivered soon, otherwise we might have to think of other options. 

I am planning on getting the Ektorp armchair from IKEA for the nursery too. It looks really comfortable for breastfeeding and you can also get a ton of different covers for it from a company called Bemz; so the chair should theoretically last forever as we can get different covers in the future if we want to redecorate or move the chair to another room. Once everything has been set up I will put up some pictures of the nursery to show what it looks like. 

thirty-two weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 224...56 days to go!

Baby is now 16.7 inches long and weighs about 3.75 pounds. 

Yet another week has passed and I've been so incredibly busy that it truly has flown by! It was only a 4-day week at work, but there was so much to get done that I have worked long, stressful hours. I am training up a new person and dealing with my usual tasks. I keep counting down the days...only 22 working days left now.

Thursday was particularly bad at work and I was so busy that I forgot to drink water throughout the day; I even nearly forgot to eat my lunch. When I got home in the evening I started getting period-like cramps and they were getting more and more painful. I did some online research and found out that dehydration can cause uterine contractions! I quickly drank 2 pints of water and rested -  after an hour or so the cramps went away, but it was frightening! I have been making more of an effort to drink lots of water since that experience; scary though right?

After a horrible week at work I would have loved a weekend doing nothing, but the weekend was very busy too. Saturday we had NCT antenatal class all day from 10am to 4pm. I thought it would drag, but luckily our instructor kept the activities varied and also booked us a pub lunch which helped break up the day. The day included discussing C-sections, assisted delivery, the 3rd stage of pregnancy, and parenting issues.  I particularly liked the parenting session because we chatted about controversial parenting decisions like whether or not to use a pacifier (or dummy), whether or not to hit your child, whether or not to breastfeed in public, etc. 

100 miles - done!

And then Sunday, Mr M had a charity bicycle ride. He did 100 miles in the Suffolk Countryside and I went to the finish line to meet him. It was a gorgeous day outside and I enjoyed being there to support him and his brother who also rode in the race. Mr M usually does this ride every year and when we were sitting on the grass afterwards (eating very healthy cheeseburgers) we imagined what it will be like next year with a 10 month-old little boy crawling around on his blanket waiting for his daddy to cross the finish line. It was such a nice thought and it made me really excited to meet our little boy in a few weeks. 

thirty-one weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 217...63 days to go!

Baby is now 16.25 inches long and weighs about 3.3 pounds. 

It's been a very busy and productive week both inside my uterus and out. Baby is growing rapidly; he has put on over 1/2 pound this past week and will continue to grow at this rate until he arrives! I expect my bump will start to get huge soon, even though it's already rather large.

His movements are now very strong and every once in a while a forceful kick under the ribs really hurts! Luckily it's only once in a while and  and the pain is bearable. 

Work this week was hectic again, but I feel like I am starting to get to a point where all the hard work and long hours are paying off.  My replacement starts on Tuesday and I have a full 6 week training period with her, which is nice because I feel like there is a lot to hand over. During the next 6 weeks, my boss decided that he would temporarily move into another office (the 2 of us usually share a room), I would take his desk and my replacement would set herself up at my old desk/her new desk. I feel very posh and important sitting at his desk. It's such a change from my old shabby desk tucked into the corner that I find it really odd. 

I am attending a family wedding this summer when I will 38 weeks pregnant and have been putting off buying a dress.  A few days ago I finally decided to order this dress from Seraphine. I thought it might be too casual but as it's a day-time wedding and is taking place outside I'm hoping I can get away with it. The dress fits well but is too long on me, so I am going to try and take up the hem an inch or two.  

This weekend we picked up our pushchair from Mamas and Papas, but it is still sitting in it's huge box in the garage for now. It will probably stay there until I'm off work at the end of June and have the time and motivation to put it together.

We also made great progress on getting all the hospital bag stuff purchased. I think we pretty much have everything now except for a nice baby blanket. I can't decide if I should buy an expensive hand-made crochet blanket (like this) or a cheaper knit one from the local baby shop (like this). Decisions, decisions... 

the hospital bag list

Things have been extremely hectic at work and I haven't had much time to think about anything other than numbers and complicated spreadsheets, so it was a nice distraction to go back to the second NCT class last night. We mostly discussed packing the all-important hospital bags. 

I found out last night that the average first-time mum is in labour for 24 hours and then stays in the hospital for 48 hours after delivery! Yikes, so I could be in the hospital for up to 3 days? I had no idea it could be for that long. I guess the hospital bag issue is more important than I first thought. 

Our instructor suggested we pack two bags over the next couple of weeks: one bag will be used during the delivery in the labour ward; and one will be used in the post-natal ward with baby. The theory is that once I've had the baby and move to the post-natal ward, Mr M can take the labour bag home to lighten the load a bit. 

So here is the list (sorry it's illegible, but you get the idea). I'm hoping that over the upcoming long-weekend I can buy some things and start crossing items off the list. Let the packing begin!

thirty weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 210...70 days to go!

Baby is now 15.7 inches long and weighs about 2.75 pounds. 

I feel like I am growing by the day - doesn't my bump look big?! It's hard to believe that there are still 10 weeks to go until baby arrives, it doesn't feel possible for my bump to get any bigger.

And I'm now 30 weeks, thirty, that is so crazy! I feel like 30 weeks is such a huge milestone; I'm 75% of the way through my pregnancy. And the countdown until I leave work is down to 7 weeks (only 32 working days), it's all beginning to feel more real. 

Physically I'm still coping fairly well. My back had been aching a lot when I was lying on my side at night, but I figured out over the weekend that this was due to by big belly pulling on my back ligaments, so I have been wedging a throw cushion under my bump at night and the pain has subsided. Heartburn has been bothering me more and more; I chew on anti-acids during the day, but sometimes nothing seems to help. 

Things are still very busy at work and last week I did a couple of 10+ hour days which left me absolutely exhausted for the weekend. I was so tired this weekend I even had to turn down a trip to the cinema because I didn't want to spend £10 on a ticket just to end up sleeping through the movie - frustrating! 

My weight gain stabilised this week and I stayed the same weight as last week. I was happy about this because I think my overall gain of 22lbs is still above average. 

Next week  we pick up our crib, cot and our pram system from Mamas & Papas, so we can finally start to put the nursery together and we will have gotten all of the large purchases done with! We still need to get a ton of the smaller practical things and I would like to get a nice baby blanket if I have some money left, but we are getting there, slowly but surely.

twenty-nine weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 203...77 days to go!

Baby is now 15.25 inches long and weighs about 2.5 pounds. 

Things seem to be getting much more crowded in my uterus these days. Over the past week I have noticed a definite change in the way baby is moving; the movements are more like strong nudges in specific areas rather than flips and kicks all over the place. Last week the midwife said that baby is head down and lying towards my left side, with his feet up near my right rib-cage. I think he has stayed in this position because I swear every few hours at work a foot pokes out from under my right ribs. It's odd - and can be a little uncomfortable - but it's still a lovely feeling a nice distraction at work every once in a while. 

I've been trying to stay active, but in truth I've been pretty idle recently. I don't have time during the week to exercise because I'm worn out in the evenings after work. Plus I get some pain in my bump if I do anything too vigorous. But Mr M convinced me to get off my butt and go on not one, but two country walks this past weekend! 

Despite my efforts to keep my weight gain to about 1 pound per week, I have continued to pile on the pounds faster than this. I gained 4.5 pounds over the past 2 weeks, bringing my total weight gain to 22.3 pounds so far in my pregnancy. I'm not too worried though as I know baby is healthy and I can always lose the weight after he is here. 

After a number of interviews, my boss finally hired someone to cover my maternity leave and she accepted the job offer. She starts on the 8th May - that's only 2.5 weeks away! It's our busy period at work, so I'm worried that I will be more stressed because I will doing all my normal work plus training her up.  I should probably feel relieved that she is coming to take over, but I'm not just yet. I'm sure I will be eventually.

NCT classes start this coming week. I'm excited about them, but also a bit  apprehensive and not sure exactly how useful they will be.  At the very least it will be nice to meet other women near me who are due around the same time.

twenty-seven weeks pregnant

27 weeks pregnant

Pregnancy day 189...91 days to go!

Baby is now 14.5 inches long and weighs about 2 pounds. Wow - 2 pounds of baby are in my tummy, that's insane! 

I am still feeling great. Other than the symptoms that I posted about the other day here (which are more of a nuisance than a genuine problem), I feel fantastic and have much more energy these days. I have definitely expanded again this week in the tummy region, don't you think?...and I gained over 2.5 pounds this week alone -eek! 

I have my 28-week midwife appointment this coming Friday, even though it's actually at the end of week 27. The midwife wanted to see me early because I have a Glucose Tolerance Test next Monday and she wants to chat to me about it before then. I will update you about these 2 appointments after I have them, no doubt. 

Emotionally I am coping pretty well. It helps that this weekend was a 4-day weekend here in the UK, allowing me to take a break from work which was much needed. Have I mentioned that work is sooooo stressful at the moment for me? Sometimes for no reason? I think I have. This Wednesday they are having interviews for the person to cover my maternity leave which makes the end seem nearer. 

Baby has been extremely active this past week; he likes to kick me more or less throughout the day now. I must admit, I kinda love his little kicks, even when they are uncomfortable.  I think we might have an active little boy on our hands in a few months!

maternity leave inequality

A few weeks ago, at my 24-week midwife appointment, I got my MAT B1 form signed off by the doctor. This little piece of paper was simple; it only had one essential tidbit of information on it - my due date. But this little piece of paper was worth so much. It was proof of my pregnancy and allowed me to book 52 weeks off work starting anytime I want after I turn 29 weeks pregnant until my due date. 

When I got hold of this powerful little piece of paper and sent it off to HR it made me think about how lucky I am. 

I am lucky to be having a baby in the UK where I am granted 52 weeks of leave. These 52 weeks are not all paid for, in fact the majority of my leave is on low pay or no pay, but my job is protected for the full year I take off work. 

I am also lucky to be able to go back to work after this leave and then have a legal right to request flexible working hours. Because I will be a parent with a young child, my employer must consider my request and may only refuse it if there is a clear business case for doing so. This means that not only is my job protected for a full year during maternity leave, but I can return to work on a part-time basis if I want to (unless my employer can prove my working part-time would be detrimental to the business).

Things are different for my friends and family in the United States.  

Out of the 21 richest countries in the world, of which the US is one of the richest, only the US and Australia offer no paid maternity leave.  Australia does, however, offer a "baby bonus" equal to about US$5,600 (£3,525) per child which helps cover the costs of maternity leave...the US doesn't offer anything.  

Looking at job-protected leave, regardless of whether or not it is paid, the US again ranks badly (20th out of 21 countries). The US offers 24 weeks of combined protected job leave for a two-parent family (12 weeks per parent); Switzerland provides only 14 weeks of leave, but the 14 weeks are paid at 80% pay. The 12 weeks per parent offered in the US is completely unpaid.

Graph taken from "Parental Leave Policies in 21 Countries"
Center for Economic and Policy Research

I should also mention that the 12 weeks unpaid leave per parent in the US is only available if you qualify for what's called FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act). Around 60% of US workers are eligible for FMLA, meaning 40% of workers get no guaranteed leave whatsoever!

What's more, when mothers go back to work after their stingy 12 weeks, there is no law in the United States that allows them the right to request part-time or flexible working. 

I find it shocking that the United States, a country so rich and powerful, doesn't prioritise the health and well-being of its mothers and babies. For example, the World Health Organisation recommends that mothers exclusively breastfeed for 6 months to reduce infant mortality and improve maternal health. If women aren't even given 6 months off work, isn't the US government indirectly discouraging breastfeeding and thus worsening the health of its population? I'm not saying that breastfeeding is always the right choice, but the government is taking away the mother's option to easily breastfeed by forcing her back to work prematurely. 

So yes, I feel so extremely lucky to be having my baby in the UK. But it saddens me that things are so unequal between here and the US and that my friends and family don't get the maternity leave and flexible working options they deserve.


Sources:
http://www.cepr.net/documents/publications/parental_2008_09.pdf
http://www.leavenetwork.org/fileadmin/Leavenetwork/Annual_reviews/Complete_review_2011.pdf
http://www.acas.org.uk/CHttpHandler.ashx?id=1076
http://www.familyassist.gov.au/payments/family-assistance-payments/baby-bonus/
http://www.who.int/nutrition/topics/exclusive_breastfeeding/en/

lottery win

Not a bad sight to see on your desk first thing on a Monday morning

I'm not a fan of Monday mornings; who is really? But when you walk into work and see the sight of £52 lying on your desk, well, Monday suddenly becomes pretty awesome. 

See, I won the lottery at work today, a whopping 1,000% return on the £5 I have put into the lottery so far. What's even cooler is I won using my lucky number, 19!

I feel like luck is on my side at the moment! 

Just thought you should know. x

crazy hormones

So...pregnancy hormones have made me go a bit crazy over the past few months. Not only have they made my body go all whacky (more on this another day), but my emotions are all over the place too. I would say I'm normally pretty emotional anyway and generally cry at the end of movies and books, but the smallest things are bothering me these days, especially at work!

Take for example the situation with my desk calendar....I left work yesterday with my wooden desk calendar solidly placed on 29 MARCH. When I came in this morning, someone had moved the numbers all around! This is the third time someone has done this over the past year or so. The past two times I thought to myself "how strange", put the numbers back, and got on with my day. 

This time I took it really personally - it felt like an invasion of my privacy. I quickly changed the date to 30 MARCH and then actually went into the bathroom to take several long breaths to calm myself down. Gotta love these pregnancy hormones.